Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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