pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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