guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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