ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
