Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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