i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
