im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
