so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
