Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
