just tell him i said nine months
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
