i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
