My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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