this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
