somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
