Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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