i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
