I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
