i don't like sucking hair
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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