I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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