I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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