I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
