He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
