Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize