theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
