My first STD was from a foam party
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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