my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize