absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
