i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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