One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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