I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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