why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
