she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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