If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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