cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
