You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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