I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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