I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
