are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
