i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this will be a night to untag.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
