by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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