I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
