Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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