Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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