You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
