8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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