This girl is more easily done than said...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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