btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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