Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You made out with two different species that night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
