is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
