He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I believe in your delicious
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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