well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
