Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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