yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
