and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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