Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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