I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
