Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
