She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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