Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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