4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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