pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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