Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
