She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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