Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
