This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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