Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
