Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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