so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
