Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
