Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my phone needs a breathalizer
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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