hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my shit smells like andre
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
