Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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