maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So much rum. So many feels.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
