Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She needs sedatives and a leash
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
