Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
