she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
